Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
