she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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