if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
