Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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