Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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