Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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