I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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