I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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