I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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