You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
