His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us