Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.