dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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