did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My ass is underappreciated
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
