using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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