dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.