my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.