Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.