I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize