so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper