I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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