The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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