You smell like a Billy Joel song
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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