Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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