i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
