At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize