Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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