My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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