get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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