uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.