I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
