What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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