There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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