Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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