You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
