Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
