She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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