Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
