I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
