On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
