he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
