Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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