You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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