I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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