I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
