I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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