I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
