Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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