remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
