Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
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You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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