So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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