rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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