There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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