it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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