Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
