Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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