The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
